Digimon: Alone
by Sonfaro
Summary: What do I call you? Diary? No, I’ve never been that girly. Journal then? That’s as fine as anything.I guess I should write about who I am. My name is Sora TakenouchiIshida.


**Alone**

_**By Sonfaro**_

Dear... Whatever you are...

This is the dumbest thing I've ever done. I'm supposed to write anything that comes into my head on a notepad. Doctors orders. He said it would relieve my stress. I fainted at work about a week ago and now everyone want's me to take it easy. I had a good reason to black out. I had so much on my mind.

What do I call you? Diary? No, I've never been that girly. I'm sure Mimi had one of these things. Journal then? That's as fine as anything.

Honestly. I'm supposed to write down the first things I think about. I'm thinking about my age. I'll be forty come next Anniversary. I feel so much older…

I guess I should write about who I am. My name is Sora Takenouchi-Ishida. I am the wife of Corporal Yamato Ishida, of the new Japanese army. Well, these days it isn't so new. And most of us call him Matt. And by us, I mean the Digidestined.

Okay, let me back up a little.

There were eight of us. Well, seven to start with. It was me, Matt, TK, Joe, Mimi, Izzy, and Tai. Kari came on later. And the eight of us are know throughout both worlds, both Physical and Digital, as The Digital Destined, or Digidestined. (TK explained it all so much better in his book.)

Make a long story short, we saved the world (twice.) Later we got new recruits, I refuse to think of them as replacements. They were Davis, Yolei, Cody, and Ken much later. And that made our number twelve. Since then we've had thousands, millions more to receive Digimon. At last count apparently one in seven children on every continent has or had a Digimon.

It's weird walking down the street now. It seems you can't turn your head without a Digimon looking you in the face. They're rookies mostly, but there are some champions these days. There was a time when Digimon were hated and feared. Now… They are treated as the norm. As if nothing is wrong. Humans can be so hypocritical Journal.

Great. I'm writing to you like you're a living person. I wonder if this constitutes me being crazy.

I wonder what Tai would say about this?

He'd probably think I was loosing it. Matt too. Tai and Matt can be as different as night and day and yet at the same time so similar it hurts.

Matt's not in right now. He's being debriefed in Moscow. He and a few Russians and an American just set up a new Digiportal on the Mars colony, for emergency purposes only. The digital world is much safer than being alone on Mars.

Alone.

Matt and I are loners. It's something we've managed to hold onto, even when we were taken to the digital world. I guess that's why we were so attracted to each other at first. We were almost the same, him and I. We thrive on the power that comes with singularity. Don't get me wrong. Just about everyone saw me as the mother of the group when we went to the Digital World. But there's nothing like hitting the road yourself. When we're alone, there's no one to take care of but yourself.

Is that a bad thing Journal? To be alone? Maybe. Matt's left me alone in this house. I don't know why Matt bought us this big house. That's all it is to me journal. A house. Sure its beautiful. But there's something missing Journal. It isn't a home yet. I've lived in this building for seven years, and I still miss the old flower shop.

This house is just so big Journal. The best we couldn't afford Tai once said. That's not exactly true Journal. I'm a "Big-Time fashion desiner" In Japan. I make custom wedding kimonos, dresses and traditional Japanese attire, along with some new age "Play". That's the new word Rika brought home with her the other day. When I was her age, we could barely get away with something being "hip", that's how old that statement was. And here comes this new slang. Now I know how my mom felt.

Matt, like I said, is a Corporal in the New Military America finally let us build. He's also a field Agent for Izzy's DAT'S organization. Digital Accident Tactics Squad. Sounds like some cheap rip off anime group. Between those two fields of employment, he receives a steady pay from the government.

I have two children. Rika and Masaru. They're my pride and joy now. Masaru's only six. He's only now getting used to cleaning up after himself. The poor boy's been sheltered. He stopped being adorable and now he's just cute. Soon he'll look like a male version of me, or so I hear. Rika looks like her father.

Tai's son, Makato, tends to come over the house a lot. He usually shows up when his father is negotiating some treaty or making a speech. Makato, like his father before him, is easily bored. I end up babysitting every time he comes over, but by now I know what to expect. He pops out of the computer with Guilmon, his partner, say hello and ask where Rika and Masaru are. He usually ends up taking over whatever my kids are doing, and they follow him easily. Daichi's going to have some trouble if he's representing the next generation of Digidestined. I don't mind though. Makato and my kids always play. Makato Kamiya likes to play with Rika the most though. I'm a little worried by that. I've been down that rode.

Sorry Journal. About the tea stain I mean. Shinjiro brought it for me. Shinjiro's our main butler/servant/friend here Journal. It would be hard for someone to see him trying to kill Matt and me. But he wanted to once. And Matt forgave him. And now he works for us. He's a steady worker. Astute. Diligent...

Effeminate. Definitely effeminate.

The way he looks at Matt sometimes, with a strange longing… it's a wonder I don't fire him on the spot. Of course then he'd just go right back out there, and pine over Matt on the outside looking in again.

Matt still gets a lot of hormonal fans. Even in this day and time. Many of them despise me. A lot of them are younger than me. All of them seem more beautiful than me. It's a wonder he hasn't left me again. To pursue fruit in greener pastures. But Matt's been true. As far as I can tell, he's never been with anyone else but me since "The Day". Our trust is back at least. We can live together again.

But Love? I don't know.

I care for Matt more than anything Journal. But something's missing. A part of me feels so alone. Tai said it best to me, the night after "The day" (gosh this sounds so corny.) "When something's broken Sora, no matter how much glue or tape or whatever, you still know it's been broken. There will always be scars…"

Tai…

I forgot what I was going to write for a second Journal. It's just as well. I'm worried that I'm writing to much about him. Tai I mean. I have to much time on my hands. Time for a change.

I feel so claustrophobic Journal. The emptiness of this room is smothering me. It's to quiet. I hate it when there's nothing to do! I may be a loner, but I have to be doing something. And writing isn't it. No offense Journal.

I can always talk about my partner. Biyomon e-mailed me to tell me she and Agumon are expecting again. This is like their sixth batch. I don't think all this baby making is normal Digimon behavior. Tai needs to tell his partner to back off of mine a little, Life-mates or no.

I should go down and see them. Bring the kids and show them who a real friend looks like. It would be fun. Matt would just say it's a waste of energy. I wonder what Tai thinks…

Why can't I get Tai out of my head?

No use denying it. I keep thinking about him Journal. Not ambassador Taichi Kamiya. I'm thinking about Tai, The eleven year old kid that used to get into scraps with the guys on the soccer team when they tried to rough me up. The guy who promised me that he'd always be there for me. My best friend.

Is Tai still my best friend. He's certainly still my friend. He just so busy all the time Journal. Ambassador to the Digital World. He's almost never in the real world long enough to go and see. The last time I saw him was at Anniversary. That was six or seven months ago Journal. Does this make me a bad best friend?

Does this even let me be a best friend?

This is so stupid!

Sorry. There's going to be erase marks in here Journal. Sorry.

I don't know what to say…

Rika and Masaru are out playing again, possibly with Makato and the others, or perhaps with their school friends. I'm not sure. A maid is watching them, Sarah I think. They should be fine. Right Journal?

Journal do you think I'm a bad parent? I've made it this far haven't I? They don't complain about my way of raising them. Rika hasn't talked back to me when I tell her no. Masaru doesn't seem to fear me. They haven't been sucked into any parallel worlds against their will to teach them to love me.

Does Rika even remember "The Day?"

Of course not. She was, what, Masaru's age. Six. She doesn't remember anything. Though, come to think of it, she probably knows that we aren't the loving couple like her friends parents. Rika's very much like her father in that respect. She knows a lot more than she'll tell.

She surely remembers me crying.

I suppose that's at the root of things. "The Day." It explains why I feel so alone, maybe. I guess you're supposed to know Journal. I came home a little early. My head had been spinning, so I took off. I just wanted to lie down Journal. But the door to my room was locked. And Matt was inside. I didn't know who he was with. I didn't want to. But I knew what he was doing.

Had I stayed, things would have been better. But I couldn't stay. Not while he was with someone else. In my house. In my bed.

This is kind of hard for me Journal. I don't usually tell people about how I feel. It usually gets bottled up inside me. There are few people I can open up to. And one of them was Taichi Kamiya.

I should have stopped in the car. He should have stopped at the door. Both of us should have stopped when we were told. He offered wine. I took. He offered asprin. I took. He offered comfort. One thing lead to another. I came onto him. He didn't resist.

It was sex Journal. It wasn't love making. No matter how hard Tai tried, it was what it was. Hot, passionate sex completely devoid of all other feeling. It was revenge gone wrong. Neither of us wanted it that way. Tai called Matt in the morning and the three of us tried to straighten out.

Matt forgave me. Tai forgave me. Matt forgave Tai. I forgave Tai. Almost everyone was forgiven. But for the longest I could not forgive Matt. Sometimes I still feel his Ice blue eyes freeze me over with a look of sadness.

I've since gotten over it. We all have. We've proceeded on like normal. Very few of our friends know what happened. I think Mimi has a clue, but she's still in America with Michael. Izzy knows for sure, but he works for Tai, so there's no danger from them.

So now it's up to the three of us to live with it. Sometimes I can Journal. Really. There are time's when I don't even remember how badly I messed up everything. But there are time's when Matt's gaze still seems so cold to me. There are times when he'll seem so scared that I'll simply walk away, like his mother. There are times when Matt becomes so passionate that he can't control himself, and breaks down into tears. And then there are times when he'll simply leave me alone.

I don't want to be alone Journal. Not anymore. I'm too old to hold childish grudges. I'm to old to just sit in this house and wait for the end. There isn't enough life left for me to squander. I can't hide away anymore.

I'm sorry Journal. I simply can not bear to write in you anymore. It isn't your fault. The relationship wasn't meant to last. (Look at me, I'm breaking up with a notepad.) I'm going to go outside and play with my children. I'm going to visit Biyomon and Agumon. I might even give Tai a call. But I cannot stay in this house one more second Journal.

I can't bear to be alone any longer.

_Signed,_

_Sora Takenouchi-Ishida_

**The End**


End file.
